Open Letter

Dear Internet Dating Fellas:

You're doing it wrong.

Maybe your lack of skill in the internet dating world is endearing to some, but those women?  Probably not the right ones for you.  Also, likely the reason you're still internet dating instead of settling down with some fantastic lady.  So let's assume you're a smart, normal guy, and that's why one of these fantastic ladies (*cough* me *cough*) has enjoyed your profile enough to reach out to you via email.  This is a very critical stage, where you can move forward successfully by asking yourself some key questions:

1. Have I enjoyed this delightful email enough to check out her profile?
If no, immediately proceed to the NO THANK YOU button.  Press it.  Go on and live your life.

If yes, review her profile.

2. Do her profile and photos suggest that she passes any arbitrary standards I have for a date?
If no, immediately proceed to the NO THANK YOU button.  Press it.  Go on and live your life.

If yes, respond to her email.  Answer whatever questions she's asked you, or respond in a clever way to the creative and attention-catching remarks she's make on your profile and/or photos.

And now, the important part:

Ask her some questions of your own.  You may not even have to think up any, you may be able to just say something like "of course I like breakfast tacos, and my favorite ones come from TacoDeli.  What about you?"  See how easy that is?? 

Imagine the email you're typing like your portion of a conversation.  When you're with someone in person, do you just yammer along and never pause to see what their thoughts are on any topic?  Of course not.  (I mean, not if you want a second date. Or to get anywhere in polite society.)

In summary, even if you just skimmed this brief open letter, take two things away.  One: no thank you button.  Just press it.  Two:  ask questions.  It helps you get closer to an actual date.

XO,
The Lady

In related news, J2 actually responded to my email after he told me he wanted to just keep corresponding for now.  He commented briefly on his favorite vacation destinations, and asked if I'd ever been to Gourdough's.  Like, asked in the middle of a paragraph about where he likes to travel to.  And that was the only question he asked me.  I really wonder why he continues to email me.  I'll respond, of course.  At this point, I'm curious to see how far we can drag this out.  Especially since I neither feel the need to get back to him quickly nor ever again suggest we meet.  That's all on him.

Also: HockeyGuy emailed me.  Two weeks after I'd originally emailed him, he responded to my brilliant email and told me he'd been really busy at work.  Okay.  I replied, and today received a second email from him.  This email was pretty long, but was another speech instead of his part of the conversation.  The only question he asked in the entire multi-paragraph letter was "5'10", huh?" in reference to my height, which I had not mentioned, but is contained in my profile.  I'm not corresponding with you for my health, fella.  Are we going somewhere with this? He's six years older than me, surely he's got a handle on how to talk to ladies by now?

I refuse to believe my standards are too high.

Meanwhile, Pants.  Ah. . .Pants.  He of the description which told tale of trying to find everything I'd say to someone about myself.  Plus, he's cute and tall.  But also kindof nerdy.  I emailed him, he wasn't online for three weeks. . .and last night I saw that he was online.  Answering my email?  Looking at my profile?  None of these.  Sigh.