During our three minutes together on the semi-dark patio of Freddie's, he told me that he was addicted to playing basketball, and that his love of the game had turned into an opportunity to get really good at being on crutches. In fact, he said, if crutching was an Olympic sport, he thought he'd be a lock for the gold medal. Also (I asked), he's 6'1".
I'd lowered my standards appropriately once I got a sense of who exactly I was meeting during that particular speed dating event, and since he was tall enough and showcased a pretty good sense of humor, I turned in his dater number at the end of the event. I'd bought a coupon for the event, after all, I though I should at least go through with the attempt to get a date.
Forty-eight hours later, the speed dating website revealed that several fellas had chosen me. Only one was listed as "mutual," meaning he received access to email address. Except. . .I didn't recognize the guy in the photo. I mean, I recognized him from the movie posters, but not from the patio at Freddie's.
That's right, he looked like Harry Potter, boy wizard. Not even older-teenage-nearly-cute-like-a-kid-brother Harry Potter. No, tween Harry Potter. In his photo, he even wore round glasses.
Since I knew I wasn't drunk at the speed dating event, I suspected I may have turned in an incorrect dater number. Even though this Harry Potter fellow and Champion Crutcher had the same first name. I decided to wait and see if he contacted me.
About a week later, I was surprised to receive an email from him. He didn't make any wand jokes, and seemed pleasant enough. We agreed to meet for dinner in a few days.
At dinner, he seemed nervous--or shifty. He barely looked me in the eyes when he spoke to me, and kept squirming around in his chair. We talked about how he's vegan at home, not for "saving the earth" reasons, but for health reasons. He said he eats meat at restaurants, and told me a story about meeting friends recently at Fogo de Chao--all you can eat meat. He ordered a tuna dish for dinner.
He also revealed that he's involved in a fitness contest with his youngest brother. They'd designated their family as judges, but decided it would be silly to just take off their shirts and strut around. No, instead they would face off with competing Matthew McConaughey impressions.
"Oh really?" I asked, assuming this was a joke. "So you're going to perform portions of his movies shirtless?" I smirked: As If; Silly Boys.
No. Instead he had written scripts for their performance. Things he thought MMc would do, like perform spoken word "poetry" over music that already has words. This was not a joke.
I noticed his unusal laugh as our conversation progressed. The first time he laughed, he covered his mouth with one hand and shook his shoulders up and down. No noise issued forth. The second time he laughed, he covered his entire face with both hands. Next time, he covered his face with his napkin. By the end of the evening, he put his head right down on the table and rested it there in the crook of his arm while his shoulders shook. Still no noise, not even a squeak. His head was down for a good thirty seconds, which doesn't seem like a lot until you're on a date with a guy who is laying down on the table in a restaurant. I spent probably 25 of those seconds looking around for hidden cameras or even a sympathetic face mirroring my W T F look. None found.
Our evening ended as he walked me to my car. He gave me a one-armed hug, but instead of just a quick squeeze, or even a swift back pat, I felt his hand flop around on my back like a fish out of water. If I didn't know better, I would've though he might've been trying to unsnap my bra. His hand was doing some sort of squeeze/flip/pat combo I'd never before experienced. I managed not to flinch.
He was headed out of town for a 12 day vacation with his family, and by the time I got home he'd sent me a nice email about how much fun he had, how hilarious and delightful I was, and how much he wanted to get together when he got back into town. I think he was trying to cast a spell on me.
*a story for another time.
Have you seen Harry Potter since?? I find the laughing at the table sans sound quite hilarious and I'd like to see it in action. Date him again and video that, would you?
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